and i'm leading it my way.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

From my bed room window, there's no sight of stars at all. Darkness was all i left. Holding on to my handphone, missing my bibi & how i wish right now its time bibi was free. Blasting my radio but theres no song that suits my feeling right now. The tears of mine, they wanted to roll down but they were all sucked. My smiles, each time i though about the happy memories between bi & me, they actually appeared on my face. Felt as if i'm love sicko. But seriouly, i'm missing bi alot right now. Couldn't get myself to slp, so i decided to sit in front of my comp to blog down my thoughts. I dun wanna talk about the fun bi & me had for the past few days, wanna switch to another topic before i end up wiping my tears.
Was actually wondering whats the actual use of friendster. Making new friends & whatsoever? Seriouly, because of friendster, i get to contact with some of my old pals. And of course, also because of friendster, me and bi use to suffered ups & downs. Laughs.
Remember about an online pal who told me she has a gal friend who broke off with guy jus because of friendster. God, this is really unpredictable in life. Was really wondering, what is it that other party did wrongly. Can't figure out what went wrong.
Anyway, right now i'm feeling so bored and just a little lonely. Its a little. Think i'm lying. Sighs. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I just packed my cupboard, my desk & also i changed my bed sheet. Changing of my bed sheet reminds me that bi will be coming over night at my place soon. Smiles. He's just darn cute. How i wish i could capture that very moment and place it a part of everyday in my life. In fact i'm missing bibi nw again. Sigh. He'll be working today, so he won't be accompany me. Never mind, i'll keep myself occupied. I hope i can....
Was placing my handphone beside the screen. As i heard my message tone, how i wish it was bibi but it turned out to be someone else. Seriously i'm half dead without bi around. Sigh. Bi must be working till very tu lan right nw. Laugh, coz he told me he knna the idiot hand again.

♥ 8:59 PM

Monday, October 11, 2004

There's this feeling in me, which make me feel awful. Everything in my world seems to be in black & white. I wanna be alone in the dark room of mine, I wanna be quiet for awhile or perhaps for a period of time. I'm tired. & when i lie on my bed, i wish i'll slp forever. No worries in life, no unhappiness and anything that make me feel worst. No, i'm not feeling lonely. Its just that i'm tired of my life. I've been slacking for months and i'm just like any wandering sould. I've got no where to go. I feel so lost....

♥ 8:26 PM

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Have you ever felt happy one moment and for just 10 seconds less, your happiness broke into sorrows? Ya, i just experienced it a moment ago. When someone told me he will accompany me. Next he told me he's occupied. Forget it, life still have to go on. I shouldn't be selfish afterall.
Suddenly feeling so insecure in life. I always catching myself hiding behind someone's back when others started taking a glance at me. Is it because I'm coward & afraid on how others think about me? the pillar of support in me seems to be drifted further apart from me. How am I gonna pull them all back nearer? This feeling make me sick. How i wish i would jus drop dead one fine day. Fear not, i'm still smiling sweetly.
I'm pretty surprise with the changes in my life. Things seem to changing and ppl treating me differently or is it because on how i treated others. Its rather funny, i actually gave up on how i mind about perfections in life. These days i'm like oh so fine with what fate had given me. This isn't the path i wanted. I knew it very clearly.
Anyway dun question me. I'm too tired to answer & i'm simply selfish to share. I say don't means don't. Dun try ways to ask me too.

♥ 10:16 PM