and i'm leading it my way.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

people can take everything away from me.
but they can never take away my truth.
but the question is, can they handle it?

if tat's e bad state u wan to see me in, congratuations, u did it. i admit defeat this time. u succeeded in bringing me down. it's hard for me to stand up again. stress? bad temple? this wad u said. i tried my best to understand.. ended up? my conscience is clear. i did not do u any wrong. I DID NOT EVER!

THEN i finally came to realize everything isn't working at all. say sorry for the sick of saying without knowing his own mistake. for what fxxk? u can jus change in days.. wad about me? leaving behind since tat day, miserable. it's ok.. i'm not gonna hate u, cause i can't bring myself to do so as well. but pls don't attempt further to make me do so. this whole thing is about u & me & i don't see anyone else. i'm not gonna care abt other feelings anymore, since u ppl actually don't bother abt mine. so far, hv u ever taken our relationship & my feeling into consideration? signs.. the damage is done & i'm not trying to gain your sympathy here. i think i'm fxxking hysterical. in a pathetic state & insane mindset nw.. but i can't help it.. it's nt easy to tear write this entry, seriously.. but all this, i am leaving it to fate.. u hurt me bad this time..

♥ 2:59 PM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

e pain is unbearable. but i've no choice but to let go since he hv already make his decision.. soon, i'm going to change my mobile number.. sorry, i've decided to go MIA from some people.. i think i prefer staying alone.. currently, berlinda is suffering from some depression and don't know what bothering me disease..

ppl around us might change, health in me might change, weather might change. but my feeling were still remain unchanged from e very start till end of breath.. i'm still e little gal whom u once know pass age ago. e little hand whom u hold and e little thought & soul whom u make your promise too.. e little one has not been changing all this while.. and all this prove her luv. quarrel after quarrel, sadness after sadness, when will all this end? does it mean by ending this relationship is a relief for both of us? where is e promise till e end of time? where is our dream? where is e last promise u made to e little gal, promise to accompany her for a holiday trip before she made any decision on her sickness.. where are all this... i'm a human being, i had my own feeling as well!! don't treat me like this, i can't take it.. i lose e 2 most important thing of mine on 5th july 2006~

i press your hands against mine relishing the heat,
i feel the veins stand proudly across the fleshy canvas,
the rush of pounding music,
how beautiful to know your blood runs through mine.

♥ 4:25 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

i'm @ kelly's house, hurting so badly.. head almost got crushed & twisted. can't believe i surivied for e pass 1hr. tat was mad! min was sweet to got me some oil and rub against my head.. for all i know i will be been losing something most important for my whole entire life. jus put down our call.. he was unhappy with wad i say.. well, but i jus don't like to hide my feeling anymore..

- doesn't mean u didn't saw my tear tat mean i am happy.
- doesn't mean u didn't saw me down that mean i am ok..

i am not all this while.. can't u feel tat? soon i'll discard every single thing & let myself hv no turning back anymore.. actually i have been thinking about tat particular person.. & i never regretted for anything up till nw.. but not sure if he appreciated wad i'm doing.. wonderful memories do flow back all e time now and then.. should i asked myself this question, hv he given me enough? all i wan nw is someone who can give me abit more care but i doubt he know wad i am thinking & feeling. fxxk it la! i should know it myself.. i want to learn independent like i use to be!

well, burn my weekend.. but it's alright.. at else i get to noe something true till today. didn't wanna give a call back is gd cause there won't be ending & i belive we will caught into quarrel again.. he made a right choose! hence, i will not made and silly action as well..

someone is killing me now.. seems like i jus wanna keep my mouth shut here.. i hate to feel this way, but all this is being force out by my feeling.. i hv no one to turn & tear too! but expect my gals & blog.. can someone fxxking make me smile again! i'll pay for it.. fxxk la, don't come and provoke me, don't!!

♥ 12:48 AM